Sorta Mary Sue
by Bard-of-the-90's
Summary: A strange new Saiyan (OC) has appeared...another one of my silly "Mary Sue" fics. It's written to be funny.


Here I am again; the Bard writes another Mary Sue fic. Don't fret, I know how horrendous "Mary Sue" characters are, just read it. See if you can spot the clichés! I wrote this mostly in French class, as an interesting note, so the margins have French notes scribbled in them. Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Ball, nor do I own Dragon Ball Z/GT/Kai. All of that fancy, fancy stuff is the glorious love child of Akira Toriyama. If I did own it, the Freiza saga would have been SO much shorter. Cell's long too, but at least he's entertaining, not just gabby.

This story is an AU after Goku leaves with Uub, except he didn't leave… It went something like this.

Goku: Well, guys, I'm off.

Gohan: What the crap, Dad! Stay with your buddies and family for once!

Goku: Sorry, I'm leaving.

Vegeta: *blasts Uub* That's that, Kakarrot.

Goku: Aww…

So Goku stayed. I never really cared for the whole "then Goku flew away" ending. Sorry Akira-sensei.

SORTA MARY SUE

Goku slammed his hands on the table, effectively smashing the thing in two.

"Goku! What's wrong with you?!" Chichi shrieked. Gohan jumped up and stood next to his dad.

"I feel it too, Dad. What do you think it is?"

"I don't know, son, but it's going to land near here soon." Goku trembled. There was an enormous ki heading Earth's way, traveling towards the atmosphere at suicidal speeds. Goku could only hope hat whatever was coming was on the side of good.

The ground beneath the Son family's feet shifted as the object cracked through the atmosphere, knocking Chichi onto her butt. (AN: Ha.) Goku nodded at Gohan, and they took off out the window. Gohan, being the scholar that he was, estimated where the strange energy was going to land. When Goku and Gohan arrived, Vegeta was somehow already there, watching the clouds intently. He acknowledged the other two with a glance, and then raised his eyes back to the sky. Goku and Gohan followed his lead. About twenty minutes passed when the heroes of the Earth saw something twinkle in the sky.

"Everyone stand back!" Vegeta barked.

The warriors leapt back just in time as the ship streaked through the air before them, smashing itself into the ground with a deafening crunch. Everyone was stunned by the familiar space pod. It was a Saiyan craft.

"What in the HFIL?" Vegeta grumbled.

"Dad, is it really a Saiyan pod? I though you and Vegeta were the only ones left?"

As if on cue, the hatch clacked open and smoke poured out dramatically. (AN: Next time, on Dragon Ball Z…doesn't it always happen like that?) When the smoke cleared, a being wearing Saiyan armour shambled out.

"…Food…" it groaned with its deep voice. Then, the being collapsed.

Vegeta, Goku, and Gohan looked at each other. Vegeta was the first to approach the mass of black hair and blue spandex, carefully sniffing the air. It certainly smelled like a Saiyan. Goku was suddenly behind him.

"Do you think it's really a Saiyan?"

"It seems so," mumbled Vegeta, swallowing the yelp of surprise back down.

"But you said we were the last ones."

Vegeta inched away from Kakarrot and towards the alien. "Yes, well, however rare an occurrence, I could be wrong." Finally reaching the strange visitor, he rolled it over with his foot. This was like no other Saiyan he had seen before. Black spiky hair, enough to rival Raditz, fell around the Saiyan like a black puddle. Its face was small, and, underneath the blue spandex, it had smooth, lean muscle. It was smaller than Goku, even smaller than Vegeta. And, sure enough, still quivering around its waist was a furry tail. This creature, odd as it was, was definitely a Saiyan.

~ (Time passing by) ~

After much discussion and debate, it was two against one as to whether they should help the girl (it must be a girl, what with the small size and attractiveness). As Goku carried the Saiyan back to Capsule Corp, Vegeta was silently celebrating. Now that there was a female, the Saiyan race was not lost. Sure, there were those half-bloods, Gohan, Goten, and his own son, but they would mate with humans, and the bloodlines would dwindle. Maybe if this woman sired a daughter, her and Goten…no. Vegeta would figure out some way to continue his line.

Goku and Gohan, on the other hand, were fretting about the allegiance of this new arrival. They could both sense the energy coming off of her and both had realized that it could easily take Goku and Vegeta to handle this being if she got out of hand.

When the group landed, Bulma's mother was carrying some random tray of goodies as usual, and gave a delighted squeal when she saw them approach.

"Bulma, sweety, Vegeta's back!" she called towards the house.

"So? What do I care, Mom?" Vegeta grimaced a bit at the words being shouted from inside. Darn woman.

"He brought guests!" Bulma peeked out through the back door, and grinned when she saw Goku and Gohan.

"Son-san and his son! Hey boys… Who's that on the ground?"

"Just come out here and see, woman!" Bulma frowned and made her way into the yard.

"So, who is this?" She said when she stood before them, hands on her hips.

"It's another Saiyan. She landed this afternoon," Goku replied nonchalantly.

Bulma yelped and cowered behind Gohan, peeking over his shoulder. "Are you serious?! There can't be another one! It took us months to rebuild the moon and fix the problems with the ocean's currents and tides. (AN: Seriously, why is this never addressed in the series?!) They don't have a tail, do they?"

"Well, yeah, Bulma, of course she has a tail. We'll just make sure she stays inside during the full moon," Gohan rationalized, stepping from in front of her.

Little did they know, the Saiyan had begun to stir at their ruckus. Goku was the first to notice. Her eyes opened blearily in the sunlight.

"Stay back. She's waking up." Everyone gave the alien a wide berth, except for Vegeta, who was frozen to the spot. This saiyan had…teal eyes?! It had to be some sort of cruel trick of the light.

The Saiyan wobbled to her feet and looked around, dazed. "…Food…?" the thing bleated lowly. Now everyone froze. Gohan approached slowly.

"Did you just say 'food'?"

"…I'd…really like…something to…eat…" The Saiyan wobbled on her feet again, her legs seemingly reluctant to support her. Then a thunderous growl ripped through the yard. Goku stepped forward with a wide grin to support her.

"Yep, definitely a Saiyan."

~ (Time passes again) ~

Bulma, Gohan, and Vegeta watched impatiently as Goku and the Saiyan woman scarfed food down their respective gullets.

"What is this Earth food called again?"

"Mmph mph." Bulma smacked Goku's arm lightly.

"Don't talk with your mouth full. It's called 'ramen'. It's pretty much all we had left, thanks to Vegeta." Vegeta scowled and grumbled in return.

"Isn't that interesting? It's kinda like my name…"

"Mmph mmph mm?" Smack.

"Stop that, Goku. What is your name, if you don't mind my asking?"

The Saiyan swallowed, so as to avoid getting smacked. "My name's Rommin." Everyone's jaw dropped. (AN: I'm just following Akira-sensei's example…) After everyone pulled themselves together, introductions went around quickly. Then Goku spoke up.

"I don't mean to be a Debby Downer, but, Rommin," Goku began, his face darkening. "I have to know whether you bear this world ill will." All eyes grew wide. Had something that serious come out of Goku's mouth? Everyone turned to Rommin.

"Umm…should I? You all have been pretty pleasant to me. I mean, you gave me all this food…" Vegeta glared at her.

"What kind of Saiyan are you? Where is your fighting spirit?! Actually, first answer how you are alive right now. Don't you know our planet is gone?"

"Well, yeah, I know it's gone…but I was supposed to be conquering a planet when it was destroyed. I actually ended up making friends instead of killing. When I got back, our planet was…"

"You must be as idiotic as Kakarrot."

"Wait… 'Our planet'…and your name is Vegeta…surely you aren't…" Rommin's teal eyes grew huge. She jumped from her chair to bow before Vegeta. "My prince, I was afraid you had died with our planet."

"Finally I get some recognition," Vegeta grumbled, smirking triumphantly. "Anyway, what's wrong with your eyes?"

Rommin looked up, puzzled. "My eyes?"

"Your eyes are teal, and Saiyans all have black eyes…unless…" His eyes narrowed again, and he shared an anxious glance with Goku. "Does your hair turn blonde?"

"How did you know?! Is it fading already?" Rommin jumped to her feet, frantically combing through the tips of her hair.

Goku raised an eyebrow. "…'Fading'…?"

"Well, I've had blonde hair since I was little, and I thought it looked weird, at least to my fellow dark-haired Saiyans, so I dyed it black…what?" Vegeta's and Goku's eyes were popping nearly out of their skulls.

"You can turn Super Saiyan…since you were little?!"

"Uh…what's that?"

~ (More time passing) ~

Much confusion and astonished explanation later, Rommin was brought up to speed and the source of her incredible power was discovered. Vegeta was day-dreaming about how massively strong their children would be.

Eventually, the room quieted down for a moment, and Rommin suddenly looked quite uncomfortable.

"I don't mean to impose…you've already been so generous…but I'd like to bathe if you all don't mind…" Bulma laughed.

"Aww, sweety, of course you can take a shower. I'll show you to the bathroom." Bulma took her hand and lead her upstairs to the guest bath. "Here's the bathroom. I'll bring you a towel straight from the wash when you're done. Feel free to use any of the soaps and such."

"Um…thank you very much." Bulma left with a wink.

Half an hour later, when she heard the water turn off, Bulma marched into the bathroom, warm, fluffy towel in hand. Twenty-two seconds later, Bulma shot out of the bathroom like a bullet, her face redder than a strawberry.

Back in the Gravity Room, Goku and Vegeta were sparring. (AN: What else?) Goku couldn't help but notice that the Saiyan prince looked even more smug than usual.

"What's up, Vegeta? You're thinking about something, I can tell."

"Oh, it's nothing, Kakarrot. I'm just thinking about the new arrival."

Goku paused to wipe the sweat off of his face with a towel. "She's really something, isn't she? Are you glad there's another one of us still alive?"

Vegeta's smirk grew more devious. "Oh, yes Kakarrot, she is. And I'm gladder than you can even fathom…"

"Why's that?" Goku lifted a soda to his lips, still watching Vegeta.

"Because our offspring will be the best fighters in the Universe."

Goku sprayed his soda. "What?! Isn't that a little…forward, Vegeta? She only just got here, and you're thinking about…that?"

"I just plan on making the best of the situation. Besides, she can't very well deny her prince, now can she?"

"That's so wrong," Goku frowned.

Before Vegeta could explain further, the door to the Gravity Room swished open. Bulma was there, panting, still red in the face. Goku ran to her.

"Bulma! What's wrong? Did something happen?"

"It's Rommin…"

Goku and Vegeta's eyes narrowed dangerously. "What about Rommin? Did she do something to you? What's going on?!"

Bulma scrambled for words. "She…she…isn't…" She gazed through Goku. "Dangly bits." With that, she fainted.

Still puzzled Goku looked at Vegeta, who nodded. They ran into the house to search for Rommin, hopefully to figure out what Bulma was rambling about. They found her in the kitchen, her back turned, and only a towel around her waist. Goku and Vegeta both flushed at seeing her half-naked and spun around.

"For Kami's sake, woman, show some modesty," Vegeta roared.

Rommin, shocked, turned to see the other Saiyans' backs. "What do you mean by 'woman', Prince Vegeta?"

Goku and Vegeta blinked at each other, puzzled. Slowly, they turned back around to see Rommin, still with only a towel around her waist…but apparently lacking a pair of…assets that all women are equipped with. Rommin stared at their red faces quizzically. After a moment, the thin Saiyan's mouth opened again.

"Did you call me a woman?"

Goku and Vegeta blinked again. Rommin wasn't…a she? She was a he?

"You're a guy?" Goku squeaked out, confused.

"Well, yeah…wait. You guys didn't think I was a chick, did you? I know I'm thin, but, sheesh, I'm built more for speed than muscled Saiyans like you two."

It was definite. She was a guy. Finally the gears in Goku's head began turning again, and his gaze drifted from Rommin to Vegeta, who had wanted to… Goku collapsed on the kitchen tile, quaking with hysterical guffaws of laughter. Vegeta and Rommin stared at him in shock for a moment until it finally clicked for Vegeta, just who and what Kakarrot was laughing at. His face impossibly grew even redder.

"Sh-shut up, Kakarrot! It's not that blasted funny!" he shouted angrily.

Rommin, after watching their bickering for a minute more, shrugged and retired to the guest room to get dressed in her…his spandex and armour.


End file.
